


Crawling Toward the Light

by kronette



Category: The Path (TV)
Genre: Canonical Child Abuse, Episode Related, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-07 17:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14085960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: READ THE TAGS!!! TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHILD ABUSE DESCRIPTION AND AFTERMATH.Set directly after Episode 3:12 "A New American Religion." I wanted to write my own idea of Cal recovering his memories, but also wanted Eddie to get a proverbial slap upside the head at the sheer assholeness that he's been oozing all season. The ambush at the end of this episode pushed me over the top in needing to write my own ending for Cal and Eddie.I have seen nothing of the finale, read no spoilers, seen no photos. I wanted to write what I wanted to happen before the episode aired because canon always fucks with my ideas and Cal is so going to get screwed over.





	Crawling Toward the Light

The silence in their—his—apartment was deafening. The click of the deadbolt sliding into place drown out the echo of Forrest’s cries that lingered in the stale air. 

Cal placed the case on the table in order to pull out the sofa bed, mind blank and actions rote. He stripped down to his boxers and crawled under the cold sheets, staring at the blank space beside him in bed. 

He didn’t know why his hand ached until he noticed it was clutched around his pendant, the last tangible thing that Steve had given him, so proud, so full of light. Love. 

Cal turned his head into his pillow, no trace of Mary’s scent left, nor Forrest’s, just the hollowness of his breath as he forced it into and out of his lungs. 

Just breathe. 

Breathe.

~.~

The morning was overcast as Cal carried out his morning routine. Tasteless food, scratchy clothing, numb drive into the compound, hands reaching into his chest and squeezing his lungs until he was gasping for breath.

He stopped the car and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel until he could breathe again, then continued up the drive. His fake smile was accepted as genuine by the guard as he passed through the gates. 

People – _his_ people, smiled or waved at him as he pulled around to Eddie’s cabin. The tightness in his chest returned, the heel of his hand trying its best to break through his ribcage and ease the band around his lungs. 

_Everything_ had been his, until it wasn’t. 

He shut off the car and mounted the steps, watching his hand knock on the door. He was no longer present inside his own body, seeing his actions as if observing from several feet away. 

He saw Eddie greet him, asking him if he was ready to write the book that would take down Steve and Meyerism. 

His hand was steady as he withdrew the gun from his jacket pocket, keeping it aimed at the floor. Eddie’s hands came up in a calming gesture, but Cal _was_ calm. His voice was as unrecognizable as the words spoken calmly from his lips. “I survived what Steve did to me because I’d blocked it out for thirty years. When the flashes of memory surfaced, I tried to deny them. I _wanted_ to deny them, so I reread the letters that Steve had written to me, needing to prove to myself that what I was remembering wasn’t real, that it was a twisted metaphor for something that the Light wanted me to learn and understand.” 

The numbness that Cal felt outside his body wasn’t present in his real body, faintly trembling and voice breaking as the words kept flowing out of him. “That’s when I found the pictures. Evidence. Proof. And still I didn’t want to believe, but some memories came back.” 

Cal shifted the gun in his hand and Eddie stepped forward, reaching out. “You don’t want to do this, Cal.” 

His voice was calm, modulated, outside of himself. “Do what, Eddie? What have I done? Survived years of abuse that I can barely remember? Survived Mary leaving me? Survived the loss of my son to you and now Mary? My place as Guardian of the Light? My childhood? My right to choose how I deal with all that shit?” 

Cal blinked until his vision cleared from the hot burn of tears. He saw Eddie’s expression of concern and fear. Saw Eddie trying to talk to him, urge him to put the gun down. None of it touched him. None of it mattered. “I tried to purge Steve from my…from me. I watched him fall to his knees and a gaping hole opened inside of me. That hole’s been widening, threatening to consume me. I’ve tried therapy but I can’t tell her the truth. I’ve tried mediating but I can’t find peace. My foundation has been crumbling for months. Your threat to expose Steve…I’m falling and there’s no bottom. I need solid ground. I need…” 

He pressed the barrel of the gun to his own chest. 

~.~

Eddie had been trying not to stare at the gun, instead focusing his attention on Cal’s face. When he saw the change come over Cal, saw the decision left to him, Eddie sprang into action.

Taking the gun away from Cal was easy. He collapsed in Eddie’s arms, relinquishing the weapon as if he hadn’t wanted it in the first place. 

Cal continued his slide to the floor and Eddie went with him, holding Cal’s head to his chest. Cal’s shaky exhalations weren’t quite sobs and his trembling hand grasped weakly at Eddie’s sleeve. 

Eddie closed his eyes and prayed, but there was no Light inside to guide him, just an utter blankness, an utter stillness. 

As if he had been abandoned. 

Cast aside. 

Forsaken.

A soft cry of distress drew his attention. He’d tightened his hand on Cal’s shoulder as he pressed Cal’s head further into his chest, not for protection but out of fear. 

Fear that Eddie had not felt since Peru, standing at the cliffside with Steve while lightning struck his body. 

Fear of the visions he couldn’t understand and responsibility he didn’t want. 

Fear that his life was changing without his consent or consultation. 

Fear that was pouring off of Cal in unstoppable tidal waves, threatening them both.

“Shit,” he muttered as he bowed his head over the man holding onto him for dear life, holding on just as tightly. 

~.~

The silence stretched uncomfortably between the two men, Cal sitting where Eddie had placed him on the couch after getting them up off the floor, neither wanting to be the first to speak.

Eddie took in this smaller vision of Cal, fingers clenched in the jacket wrapped tightly around his chest and shoulders hunched, as if he was trying to hide from the world. 

Or possibly, he just wanted to hide from Eddie. 

Shame flooded Eddie, turning his stomach and leaving a sour taste in his mouth. “Y’know, Cal…” he began, but was unable to finish. What could he say? He’d forgotten the basic tenet of his position as Guardian of the Light: guiding people on their spiritual path to the Light. And before him sat one of the most lost, desperate, damaged souls he’d ever encountered and he’d fucking _ignored_ Cal’s pleas both silent and vocalized. 

“I don’t know what came over me,” Cal said, his voice so low Eddie almost didn’t hear him even though he sat directly across from him. “I didn’t…”

“You didn’t do anything,” Eddie interrupted him, tightening his folded hands. “Sarah and I ambushed you after you had to defend Steve to that asshole Jackson. I wasn’t listening to what you had to say. I was only concerned about what I wanted to do and what I needed from you.” Eddie finally raised his eyes to meet Cal’s and the blankness in them was chilling. 

“You’ve been punishing me since I came back.” The matter-of-fact tone hit Eddie harder than if Cal had screamed it at him. “Even when you relied on me, you punished me. You picked Felicia to run the Movement in France, claiming you needed me close to home. You asked me to take care of the dirty work you didn’t want tainting you, but it was okay for me to do because in your eyes, I was diminished. Well, now I’m about as diminished as I can get, fading from my own life.” 

“You’re not fading, Cal,” Eddie assured him, but the truth rang hollow in his voice. Now that he looked, now that he _saw_ , the damage within Cal was obvious and staggering, eating him alive from the inside.

Cal’s half-smile was ugly and cruel. “I didn’t know telepathy came with your visions. _I_ don’t know who I am anymore so how can you be so confident in your assessment of my well-being?” 

It stung. It stung because it was the truth. He’d been talking without listening for so long he’d forgotten how to connect with people—with _a person_ —on any level. “You’re right,” Eddie said, trying to set aside his ego and remember his lessons about humility and washing the feet of the less fortunate. “I haven’t been listening to you.”

A brief flare of emotion, hard and angry, flashed in Cal’s eyes before he muttered, “You haven’t listened to anyone in months.” 

The words hurt as they were intended, but Eddie knew he needed to hear them. “No, I haven’t,” he replied. “I thought I knew what the Movement needed. Better than you did, at least. Converting as many to the Light as possible. Making it more secular. More palatable to everyone.” 

“And damn the consequences.” Eddie glared at Cal, who met his gaze squarely. “You were just as much a selfish asshole as I was. I admit I did some terrible things to protect myself, but I willingly did that and more to protect the Movement.” 

Eddie looked, really _looked_ at Cal: saw the man who manipulated, lied, coerced…but also the man who bled, who cared, who sacrificed for what he believed in. He saw beyond that, to the frightened boy who was fighting to survive. “You shouldn’t have gone on the show,” he muttered. 

He felt Cal’s piercing gaze then his equally piercing tone snapped, “Who are you really angry with, Eddie? Steve, Sarah, me? Or yourself?”

Eddie ran his hands over his head, clasping them at the back of his neck. “I don’t know anymore. My anger at Steve is boundless. How can you not be angry with him?” 

Cal’s snort of unpleasant laughter crawled uneasily up Eddie’s spine. “Who says I’m not angry?” 

“I don’t know what you are, Cal,” Eddie finally had to admit, feeling more shame invade his chest and lungs. “Do you want to tell me?” 

“It’s none of your business,” Cal snarled, pushing up from the couch. “The early years of the Movement need to stay in the past. Stop the tributes and songs and the play. Stop deifying Steve and let his memory fade to nothing more than a footnote.” 

A moment of startling clarity, of Light, pulsated through Eddie and he blurted out, “That’s not what you need. You need to reclaim what’s been lost to you.” Memories, childhood, control. It all whirled together in Eddie’s mind: flashes of lightning and booming, indistinguishable words; a child’s hollow laugh and the rustle of leaves; the low chanting of dozens of voices around dancing firelight. 

Cal’s breathing was loud in the quiet of the room, unsteady and fast. “That need cost me my family and it’s about to cost me my home.” 

“But is it true?” Eddie rose from his chair and walked around to face Cal, now pale and sweaty. “You said therapy wasn’t working. You argued that going on the show would reclaim what Steve took from you. What it did was cost you Mary and Forrest.” 

His words had physical impact as Cal took a staggered step backward, pressing the heel of his hand to his chest as his breathing bordered on panic. “I ca- I can’t,” he stuttered. “I thought I could, but I can’t…” 

Eddie slowly reached out and lightly placed his hands on Cal’s shoulders, but Cal flinched away from any contact. Eddie let go of Cal but the tension remained, Cal’s eyes now wide and scared. 

Eddie was so far out of his depth he was drowning, but something within him told him he was doing the right thing. “What if I helped you? Guided you? I’d be there every step of the way.” 

He could see the conflict deep within Cal: trust someone who had screwed him over time and again, try to uncover the memories on his own, or continue in the half-world he’d been living in, fading from his own life. 

“You wouldn’t-” Cal licked his lips nervously and his gaze darted around the room. “Wouldn’t be disgusted by what’s revealed?” 

He was almost positive he would be, but not for the reasons Cal suspected. “What Steve did to you was terrible and unforgiveable, and it was _not your fault_. You are the _victim_. Steve’s sickness was his damage and he forced that damage onto you. Let me help you find that damage and purge it.” 

Tears stood in Cal’s eyes, a hundred emotions all fighting for dominance in his expression. Seeing Cal, truly _seeing_ him, sent a fresh wave of guilt and shame through Eddie. How could he have been blind to Cal’s pain? How could he have ignored it in favor of his own desires? Some spiritual leader he was; not seeing just how far gone of the most devout was. 

He began to think Cal wouldn’t answer him. He was half afraid Cal would walk out the door and never come back, but then he heard the soft, “How?” 

It didn’t take much effort for Eddie to come to a decision. “Somewhere away from the others, where we won’t be disturbed. I don’t want anyone stumbling on what we’re doing.” He hesitated to mention a place that would be suitable, knowing through their shared vision that it was where Cal went to confront his ghosts. 

To his shock, Cal brought it up without hesitation. “There are caves on the property. He…it’s where his memory would be strongest.” 

_I shouldn’t feel love, but I do_ echoed in Eddie’s mind, as it had during their shared vision. Placing Cal back at the heart of where the most damage occurred could prove disastrous or revelatory. “Are you sure?”

He wasn’t reassured by Cal’s trembling, scared smile. “No. I’ll gather some supplies.” 

That took Eddie by surprise. “You want to do this _now_?”

Cal’s smile steadied, but it was brittle and bitter. “No, but if I don’t do it right away, there won’t be anything of me left to find.” 

With that foreboding statement, Cal walked out the door, leaving Eddie with the Movement demanding his attention and Sarah demanding he destroy it. “Fuck.” 

~.~

Eddie hit the supply room, letting his hands gather whatever they would, trusting the Light would give him everything he’d need. Two backpacks were filled when he finished, sitting next to the sleeping bags and blankets. He shoved the last of the water bottles into the top of the backpack and zipped it closed. 

He hefted one over his shoulder and gathered the rest, meeting up with Vera as he was leaving. “Hey, I was about to look for you,” he said, distracted. Cal had a head start on him and he didn’t want Cal alone in that cave with his memories. 

“I need to talk to you right away,” Vera began, but Eddie cut her off. 

“I need to go away for a week, maybe two. I won’t be available to anyone.” He cupped her cheek to soften his words, but she still looked stricken. “Everything to do with the Movement is put on hold until I get back.” 

Vera pushed him away. “What? You can’t just abandon the Movement whenever you feel like it! Lilith’s vision…” 

“Can’t come true if I’m not in Bali, right?” Eddie said lightly, knowing that she went behind his back and did something to scare off his prospects. He couldn’t be mad at her, not when she was following her heart and doing what she thought was right. 

The hypocritical words landed heavily in his stomach and he swallowed back bile. “I’ll have my phone with me if an emergency comes up, but I doubt I’ll get reception where I’m going. I’ll try to check my messages once a day.” 

Vera’s eyes narrowed with suspicion, her calculating stare roving over everything he carried. “You’re going to help someone, aren’t you?”

“This is something that requires my full and immediate attention, Vera,” he said, slightly annoyed. 

“Not Sarah,” Vera mused. Her eyes studied him and he could see her putting all the pieces together. Her soft gasp preceded her declaration, “It’s Cal, isn’t it?” 

“This is a private matter that needs my immediate attention,” he reiterated, hardening his voice. “Tell the Elders they’re in charge until my return. Any decisions they need to make should have a unanimous vote before they proceed. Hawk can take care of the center in the city. You can deal with any PR crises that come up, right?”

She pressed her lips together in disapproval but nodded. “Yes. Fine. Just…leave.” 

Eddie started out along the rough path Sarah had mentioned to take to get to the cave, but his recollection of landmarks was sketchy. He dug out his phone and called Sarah to get clearer directions, telling her he was postponing the book for a few weeks.

“Why the delay?” Sarah demanded. 

“It’s not the right time,” he calmly stated. “Meyerism can survive another few weeks without knowing the truth about Steve.” 

“It isn’t right,” Sarah persisted. “Now that we know the truth…”

“Sarah.” Eddie kept his tone firm, making sure she was listening to him before continuing. “I said now is not the right time. I’ll be out of touch for about a week, maybe two. I don’t want you to say a word to anyone about Steve until you hear from me again, do you understand?” 

“Fine,” she snapped, then the line went dead. 

The rest of the walk through the forest to the cave was quiet and peaceful, in direct contrast to the turmoil inside him. Eddie prayed for it to fade so he could focus on helping Cal. 

~.~

The cave was cold but Cal was sweating. Cal was on his third bottle of Ayahuasca, something Eddie hadn’t even known the compound had, but it had been in one of the backpacks and Cal had immediately reached for it. 

Cal was beyond delirious after twenty hours, fully interacting with his hallucinations. He’d torn his shirt off in a fit at about five hours in, fingers clawing at the material until Eddie helped him remove it and his t-shirt before it met the same fate. 

Eddie had let the fire burn out, unable to stand the sweat and ash that covered him. It also made it harder for him to see Cal. It was torture enough listening to him without seeing Cal’s features twisted in pain and confusion, his voice dropping to a soft, pleading child’s that ripped through Eddie as if it was his own child suffering.

Eddie wished he could block out the snatches of words he could understand, but too often they fell when Cal had gone still, a rabbit hoping the predator wouldn’t notice it. 

“..don’t want to…” 

Eddie clamped his hands over his ears but he could still hear it, echoing inside his head. 

“…no…not tonight…please?”

Cal’s voice never raised above that quiet whisper, pitched so only those closest to him could hear it. 

“…tired of keeping secrets…”

Eddie wanted to run. Instead, he went outside and vomited in the spot he’d designated, Cal’s few moments of lucidity having him stumbling outside to heave until he collapsed onto the ground. 

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, swishing water around and spitting it out. He shoved some dirt and leaves over the new layer with his boot, then returned to the cave.

He continued to pray for guidance and strength for them both.

~.~

Eddie wondered if Cal had helped paint the flowers he now leaned weakly against, head lolling to the side as if the cave wall was the only thing holding him up. It quite possibly was.

Cal hadn’t had any solid food in over twelve hours. He looked sickly even in the warm glow of firelight, only enhancing the shadows under his eyes. 

The sleeping bag that Cal had slowly knelt in front of and delicately unrolled was now crumpled in a heap deeper into the cave. When Cal explained why the bag had significance, Eddie demanded he toss it on the fire. 

Cal had refused, but at least he balled it up and threw it as far as he could, which gave Eddie some satisfaction. Not nearly enough, but at this point, he would take _anything_ that was positive. 

When Cal reached for another bottle of Medicine, Eddie pulled the bag behind him. “No, Cal. You’re dehydrated and need to eat.” 

“Not hungry,” came the immediate response, though Cal sounded weak and tired.

“You’re eating,” Eddie said forcefully, thrusting an apple into Cal’s hand. He looked pointedly at the apple until Cal took a bite, then handed him a water bottle. “Drink.” 

Cal obeyed meekly, following orders without question. Eddie knew he was not looking at the leader who had kept the Movement going in Steve’s absence, but rather the child who was emerging from within Cal’s repressed memories. A child scared of being out in the Light. 

Eddie closed his eyes and began to pray again.

~.~

Two weeks of listening to snatches of Cal’s reforming memories, his whimpers, his screams, and Eddie was at a loss on what he was supposed to _do_. The Light had not granted him any further wisdom beyond _stay with him_. 

Without knowing how to actually do anything to _help_ , Eddie reached back through his earliest memories in the Movement to when he’d met Cal, how he’d listened and hadn’t judged. Why the ODE came to him at that moment, Eddie didn’t question, but began at the beginning. “What is your name?” He hoped he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt, but Cal was too far gone to notice, pale and shaking and lying where he’d fallen onto the ground.

“Calvin Michael Roberts,” Cal responded automatically, breath stirring the leaves on the cave floor. 

Encouraged, Eddie went down the list: belief in reincarnation, effectiveness in an emergency, skipping the questions he didn’t want to know the answers to. But one stood out for him and he asked it with extreme trepidation. “Recall and define your first experience of bliss.”

The first sign of life he’d seen in days flickered at the corners of Cal’s mouth as he murmured, “Forrest. Holding my son for the first time.” 

"Deeper."

Cal frowned. “I’m very small. I’m riding on someone’s shoulders. They’re very tall but I’m the tallest. I can see the buildings under construction. The new houses in the compound.”

Eddie leaned forward, seeing the beads of sweat on Cal’s upper lip. “Deeper. Don’t think. Bliss.”

Cal began to hyperventilate, hand pressed hard against his chest. Eddie took a chance and grabbed it, holding it between his own. For the first time since their confrontation in Eddie’s cabin, Cal allowed himself to be touched. “Breathe. You’re safe.” 

“M-m-my vows,” Cal choked out, squeezing Eddie’s hand so hard his bones creaked. “H-he put my necklace over my head and k-kissed me. Said he was so p-pr-proud of me.” Tears streaked through the dirt on Cal’s face. “That was the l-last time he touched me. That way.” 

The floodgate opened and Cal collapsed in on himself, Eddie giving him the space he needed to grieve. 

It was almost a full day later that Cal was able to function, crawling outside and vomiting again, though he barely had anything to give. 

“Can you walk?” Eddie asked, holding out his hand. Cal looked up at him from his hands and knees: sweaty, filthy, foul-smelling, but no longer shattered. Still broken, but the pieces were starting to edge toward each other. 

Cal moved his arm quickly before he lost his balance, clasping Eddie’s hand and allowing himself to be hauled to his feet. Eddie picked up the spare bag of clothes and they began a slow trudge toward the lake, Eddie mindful of Cal’s weakened state and sticking to the path he knew. 

He stopped their progress when Cal’s breathing grew labored, not offering any explanation other than his patience. He felt Cal’s gratitude for that kindness. 

Cal had to know where they were going; he’d been on the same path hundreds of times over the years, probably with Sarah before Eddie joined the Movement. Eddie wasn’t blind to their attraction even after he and Sarah got married, but now he understood that Cal was looking for a solid connection where his past afforded him none. He wondered if any good memories had been uncovered along with the bad. 

They got to the water’s edge and Cal stripped off his filthy clothes, leaving them in a heap by the shore as he stepped carefully on the rocks. He slowly submerged himself and Eddie had a flash of panic, but then he saw it: the light causing rainbow ripples over the water. 

Eddie dipped his hands in the water and washed his face, settling back to wait for Cal to scrub away the filth of the cave and his past. It had been a humbling experience, watching someone go through so much pain because they needed answers. To feel so helpless, so out of his depth, had taught Eddie something about himself. He wasn’t a leader. He may be the Chosen Son, he may have the visions, but that didn’t make him capable of leading the Movement.

But neither was Cal fit to lead. Not only because of Steve’s damage he still had to work through, but Cal had his own damage he needed to face. 

Cal and Sarah had attempted a co-Guardian of the Light, but they had fucked up, letting money and expansion get in the way of the Message. Eddie had taken that to the extreme, losing who he was in the process. 

Maybe it took three to lead people to The Garden. Maybe the Movement didn’t need a leader at its core. Maybe the Message could stand on its own without Steve or him or Cal. Maybe it was best to disband the Movement, set these people on a path that wasn’t tainted with Steve’s legacy. 

“You shouldn’t think,” Cal rasped, wiping the water back from his hair. 

“Thinking is highly overrated,” Eddie agreed, leaning back on his hands. He tilted his head to the sky as Cal changed into clean clothes, waiting for Cal to settle down next to him. 

They stared out over the water at nothing, content in their silence, until Cal said, “I’m not ready to go back.”

“No one said you had to,” Eddie replied, brushing the dirt off his hands. “You can go back into the city, avoid the compound until you feel comfortable.” 

Cal hunched over his folded legs, hands loosely clasped in his lap. “No, I mean I’m not ready to leave this place. I’ve made a crack in the wall that is letting the truth trickle out, but I still have a lot of work to do and I don’t want anyone to witness it.” 

Eddie could feel the conflict within Cal, not as strong as before, but the reluctance to finish what he’d started on his own was palpable. “Not even me?”

He’d caught Cal off-guard. “You’d stay?”

“Not continuously,” he hedged, squinting up at the clear sky. “I need to get back to the compound, make sure it’s still standing.” 

Cal was aware of the threats against him and scowled. “Don’t joke about that.” 

“I swear that wasn’t my intention,” he said. “I just meant I have responsibilities to the Movement and my family, and I need to start writing the next Rung of the Ladder.” 

Cal studied him, but Eddie remained steadfast in his belief that he was doing the right thing. “I tried that. I was overthrown by Felicia, Bill and Richard.” 

Eddie turned to face Cal, some of the old anger flaring up. “They didn’t know…”

“They knew,” Cal blurted out, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees. “Or at least they suspected. No one dared stand up to Steve, except Lilith. She tried to help me.” Cal dropped his head, avoiding Eddie’s searching look. “Or maybe herself. When Vera did the ODE, it wasn’t just our shared memory that overwhelmed me, it was the same feeling of sadness, knowing that our happiness would only last a few minutes before something intruded. I’m not saying she was abused like I was, but she experienced something with Lilith and Steve, too.” 

Eddie reeled from the implications. “You saw Lilith? You remember her?”

Cal rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. “A lot of it is still disjointed, but the snake I saw wrapped around Steve was actually the Hypoxian Cleanse. Lilith used it to try to cure him. I think she invented it.” 

Eddie remembered the video Sarah had shown him, of Steve tied with elaborate ropes and a woman’s voice telling him it was supposed to hurt. Horrified, he whispered, “You were in the cave when they…”

“I think I was the trigger,” Cal said, his voice rough and distant. “Steve had to face his damage and I was the visual of that damage. He saw me, he wanted to transgress, Lilith tightened the ropes.” 

Eddie’s stomach churned as Cal lost what little color he had left. “That’s fucked up,” he said, not knowing what else to say. 

Cal dragged his hands down his face and chuckled wryly. “I think everyone is a little fucked up. If we weren’t, we’d be God.” 

Silence fell between them again, birds flying overhead calling out, leaves rustling in the trees, waves gently lapping at the rocks. 

“You loved him.” Eddie hadn’t meant to say it, but at least he’d kept all emotion out of his declaration. It was a statement for Cal to deny or accept. 

Cal let out a shaky breath and took a long time to answer. “He was the only father I really knew. He was proud of my accomplishments in school and he was proud that I’d joined the Movement to stay by his side. The other shit…” Cal shook his head. “A part of me might always love him.” 

“It’s okay, you know,” Eddie said after a beat, not knowing if it was true or not, but it felt right to say. “It was all you knew. What you and Mary have, it’s different. Your love for your son is different.” 

“I’ll kill the person who tries to hurt my son the way I was hurt,” Cal was quick to announce, though his voice trembled. “I’ll die to protect him.” 

“I know you would. I’d do the same for my kids,” Eddie said softly, not wanting to confuse things further in Cal’s head. “Look, I’m going to head back to the compound for a few hours, resupply and check on things. Do you want anything?”

“I could use some soap.” It was a poor attempt at a joke and Cal winced even as he said it. “Could you bring potatoes or squash or something meatier? I need something more filling than apples.” 

Eddie nodded, glad he could do this one small thing. “You’ll be okay until I get back?”

The smile was wan and tired, but it remained as Cal said, “I’ll survive.” 

Eddie risked lightly touching Cal’s shoulder before returning to the cave, picking up the nearly empty backpack and beginning the walk back to his cabin.

He’d only left Cal for an hour each day during the last two weeks, grabbing some fruit and fresh water and making sure the compound and city center were still standing. Sarah had kept her promise to stay quiet but wouldn’t talk to him. Vera was thoroughly pissed at him, only updating him on the worst of the publicity before storming out of his cabin. 

His presence was in demand all over the United States and several other countries. He swept all the messages and invitations into the trash, not wanting to be distracted from helping Cal. 

The Elders were handling things, settling minor disputes, carefully screening new Possibles, seeing to the training of the novices. The Movement continued without him. That knowledge calmed him in a way praying hadn’t. 

Eddie filled the bottom of the backpack with sweet potatoes, then a bag of green beans and sprouts. He’d brought a frying pan, plates and utensils after the third day, realizing one of them needed to keep up their strength and Cal couldn’t even keep water down. 

He got soap and a few small towels, a comb and nail clippers, assuming Cal would want to clean up before returning to civilization. 

He talked to Gab and Summer, assuring them he was okay but let them know he was still needed for this special assignment. He promised to be home more often, kissed Summer’s forehead, and left. 

He called Hawk on his way back to the cave, making sure the center and his son were doing okay. Hearing Hawk’s voice make his knees weak and it wasn’t until he felt wetness on his cheeks that he realized he was crying. 

“Dad?” Hawk’s worried, scared tone reached deep inside him and pulled him back from wherever he’d been dragged, not realizing he was pressing a hand to his chest until he reached for the bag he’d dropped. 

“I’m here. I’m okay. I’m helping someone very troubled and it’s affecting me more than I thought,” Eddie explained, realizing how much of that was the truth. Going through this with Cal, even if he was only a solid, safe presence that Cal was only vaguely aware of, was sobering and moving. The man had more strength than anyone had given him credit for, Eddie most of all. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Hawk demanded, though his voice wavered. 

“I’m fine, kid. I’ll be around more, but I still need to be there for this person. I’ll talk to you soon.” Emotion like he hadn’t experienced since holding Hawk in his arms for the first time roared through him, and his voice shook. “I love you, kid.”

Hawk’s voice was much stronger as he answered, “Love you too, Dad.” 

~.~

When Eddie got back, he saw Cal using the sleeping bag to clean the cave, sweeping out the dirt and leaves mixed with dried vomit, rotting apple cores and blackened banana peels. 

Eddie had done his best to keep the cave relatively clean, but Cal would only let him get so close before he lashed out. Eddie had more than a few scratches on his arms from Cal’s defensive attacks, but he wore long sleeves to cover them. 

Cal’s wounds were more visible. He had scratched up his arms and neck, and Eddie had gotten antibiotics from the store, not wanting additional questions from the compound. He’d had to wait for Cal’s episodes to pass before cleaning the wounds, while Cal remained silent and ashamed. 

Now that Cal was lucid and moving around, Eddie could see the toll the past two weeks had taken. He’d dropped weight, his pallor was grey and sickly, and his eyes were haunted, focused inward on his demons. Eddie couldn’t see the truth that Cal spoke of or the Light, but he was sure they were lurking beneath the damage. 

“Do you want to pray?” Eddie asked as he sliced potatoes and added them to the frying pan. 

“After we eat.” 

He idly glanced up as Cal stirred the fire back to a full blaze, mesmerized by the shadows cast over his features and against the wall. Darkness mixed with the Light; long, thin arms reaching and being repelled; a small figure growing taller until it curved against the roof of the cave. 

Cal was winning the battle, whether he realized it or not. 

Eddie handed him the bag of green beans and heard the rhythmic snapping before they were added to the pan. The delicious smells filled the cave, obliterating the nauseating, stale air. They ate the simple meal in silence, Cal taking small, measured bites as his stomach had rebelled too often in the past week. 

Eddie folded the blankets while Cal scrubbed the pan and dishes, both of them kneeling awkwardly on the rough material. Heads bowed and eyes closed, Eddie prayed silently while Cal murmured across from him, the soft cadence lulling Eddie into a sense of peace. 

He wished he could share that peace with Cal. He wished Cal could find that peace within himself. Slowly, hesitantly, he reached out for Cal’s hands resting on his thighs. He lightly placed his hands over Cal’s, holding his breath as he looked up.

Cal’s eyes were huge, pinning him like a butterfly to a felt board. But he didn’t pull away.

Eddie slid his hands beneath Cal’s, loosely holding them in his grasp. They had both prayed this way with others dozens and dozens of times, but this time felt different. It felt like…a renewal. “Is this okay?” he asked, being very careful to make sure Cal knew he was asking permission. “If you aren’t comfortable with me touching you, you need to tell me. I won’t be mad. I understand.” 

The look that crossed Cal’s face said he _didn’t_ and _could never_ understand, but Cal didn’t remove his hands. “This is fine. We never prayed here.” 

The implications weren’t lost on Eddie and bile rose in his throat, but he kept his composure and forced his discomfort away. Cal didn’t need any emotions from him other than understanding and support. 

Together, they bowed their heads and together, they prayed to the Light.

~.~

Cal’s good days slowly expanded to be more frequent than his bad, but his bad days worsened in intensity and violence. It was as if once unleashed, Cal’s rage, desperation and helplessness had no focus, because the man Cal needed to focus them on was already dead, and that set off another round of shouting and destruction. 

Not being able to confront your abuser in the flesh, not be able to look him in the eye and get answers: _Why me? Did I do something? Were you punishing me? Didn’t you want me as a son? Was I a burden? Did you hate me?_

Cal’s screamed questions haunted Eddie as he went outside to vomit again, disgusted with himself for not being stronger. Cal _needed him_ and he couldn’t stand to see Cal looking for flaws within himself, looking for a reason when there probably wasn’t one beyond “Because Steve was sick.” 

It was a shitty reason but it was all Eddie could come up with. He didn’t particularly want to get into the head of a pedophile. He’d rather focus his energy on Cal’s anger and pain, and try to ease it, at least to a manageable level.

“You know you didn’t do anything,” he said from the cave entrance, flinching as the frying pan and tin plates smashed into the cave wall. “Steve was sick. We may never understand his sickness, but I know with absolute certainty that you didn’t do anything to make him that way. He was sick before he met you.” 

“Fuck off!” Cal yelled at him, picking up a log from the fire and throwing at Eddie’s head.

Eddie ducked and turned around, making sure the glowing end wouldn’t catch on any leaves before calmly addressing Cal again. “You weren’t a burden. You weren’t being punished. You were convenient. You were young. You believed what adults told you.” As he spoke, Cal stilled. Breathing heavily, eyes still wild, but at least he’d stopped trying to destroy the cave. “He should have loved you as a son, but he couldn’t. His ability to love was damaged before he met you. He was sick before he knew you. That sickness followed him into death.” 

Cal began to tremble, then shake, curling his arms around his chest and hunching over. “I hate him,” he whispered. “I hate what he did to me. I hate every touch. I hate every smile. I hate every compliment, every moment of pride he felt for me. I hate this fucking cave and the pictures and his cold hands…” 

Eddie wanted to stop Cal from falling to his knees but touching Cal at such a fragile moment might be more damaging. 

“I deserved to be loved,” Cal cried, tears dripping onto the ground. “Properly loved, not his fucking twisted version of it.” 

“Yes, you do,” Eddie said quietly, not wanting to disturb Cal’s breakthrough but not wanting him to think he was alone. 

Cal’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it chilled Eddie to the bone. “He was good to me in front of the others. He treated me as any father would a son. It was only when we were alone that he transformed into a monster. My monster.” Cal looked up at him, determination and hatred blazing in his eyes in equal measure. “I want to kill the monster.” 

“You’re purging his damage, Cal,” Eddie reminded him, worried that Cal had crossed over into pure hatred and would cause himself more damage. “Every minute you’ve spent in this cave has been to banish him.” 

The intensity in Cal’s eyes faded, leaving him on all fours and he began to retch. “I can’t do this anymore,” he muttered softly when his body had nothing left to give up. “I’m so tired.” 

Eddie knelt down, placing his hands on Cal’s bowed head as he began to pray. “The Light fills us. The Light guides us. Let my body be a vessel for the Light. Let the Light heal us and grant us peace.” 

He could feel Cal’s shaking beneath his hands, saw the movement of his shoulders as Cal started crying again. But to his immense relief, Cal repeated his words. “Let my body be a vessel for the Light. Let the Light heal us and grant us peace.” 

~.~

Eddie filled a bag with food and left the compound for the cave, having been away for a week. Cal’s tantrums had faded as he resumed his meditations, his body growing stronger and a healthy glow returning to his skin. 

It had been five months since he and Cal had first entered the cave, and each day brought a new, pleasant memory to balance out the lingering horrors that waited in the shadows. 

Cal had started a journal, writing down everything he remembered even though it was doubtful he would ever forget. Eddie debated burning them when Cal was done, but as if sensing his motives, Cal made him promise to never read them and never dispose of them.

They were Cal’s memories, and no matter what Eddie thought about keeping a log of Steve’s abuse, Cal had that right to own them. 

Eddie had learned more about himself and what he wanted from the Movement during his time in the cave as well. The term Meyerism was beginning to fade from the newer recruits — those that stayed. They’d lost about 20% of their global population in the past five months, and while Vera was now 2R and still fighting to keep the good name of Meyerism alive, Eddie didn’t mind. The Elders were running things just fine without his leadership.

Letting go had been such a revelation. And because he’d been secluded and not forcing expansion, Lilith had gone underground, unable to fulfill her prophesy. He suspected Vera knew exactly where she was at all times to protect him and he appreciated it, even if he felt it wasn’t necessary anymore. 

Meyerism was the flash in the pan new religion that was losing its shine. In another year, it would be taught in Professor Neill’s class as another in a long line of fads. 

Eddie had kept Cal apprised of the Movement, but Cal was focused on personal growth and forgiveness. He’d Unburdened about blackmail, beatings, manipulations, sex, his alcoholism, and Silas. Hearing about Silas had hurt, but Eddie promised to keep that secret, with Sarah the only other person who knew. Cal’s first act of Offset had been to give Silas a proper burial, Eddie overseeing the ritual as Cal recited the words. 

Part of Cal’s Offset had been to scrub the walls of the cave, removing the flowers that the children had painted, Cal and Vera included. He’d planted a hundred trees, cleaned the lake shore of trash, repaired the dock, and was working on building a birdhouse. 

Cal had begged Eddie to keep assigning tasks until he felt cleansed, but Eddie didn’t know what else Cal could possibly do or how long it would be before Cal felt like he’d earned his forgiveness. Maybe it would be a lifelong process. 

When Eddie got to the cave, Cal wasn’t there. He wasn’t worried as Cal often went for walks in the forest, keeping himself open to the Light in case he was called upon to complete a task. 

Eddie walked down to the lake thinking Cal might be there, but he spotted Cal about a hundred meters off the path, cradling a fawn in his lap. Sunlight filtered through the trees and highlighted Cal’s hands as they tied off a piece of cloth around the fawn’s leg. The Light glowed faintly around him, reflecting off his longer, curly hair; illuminating his face and ragged beard. 

Cal hadn’t heard him approach so Eddie stayed silent, not wanting to disturb him. 

The fawn struggled to stand but Cal shushed it and stroked the fawn’s snout and neck, calming it. “It’s okay. I know it hurts, but it will heal in a few days. I’m taking you back where I can check on your wound and make sure you’ll be well enough to find your mother. I know she’s worried, but she’ll forgive you for scaring her when she sees you again.”

He watched Cal struggle to stand with the wriggling burden in his arms and stepped forward. “Let me help?” he asked as Cal frowned at him. Relenting, they carried the fawn back to the cave where Cal made a quick nest for it out of blankets, carefully wrapping them around the fawn’s legs so it couldn’t stand. 

“How did you find it?” he asked as Cal sat next to the fawn, letting his hand rest on its back. 

“I heard it stumbling through the woods,” Cal explained in a soft, soothing voice to keep the animal calm. “I thought it was a predator at first, though we haven’t seen anything like that at the compound in years. Too many human smells.” Cal hesitated and the silence resonated with unspoken words. Eddie held back his observations until Cal was ready to speak again. “Sarah hit a deer a few years ago. It was an accident, but it happened not a thousand feet from where I’d buried Silas. I think the Light was forcing me to admit to what I’d done. Today, finding this fawn in need of my help, it felt like Silas had forgiven me.”

Eddie crouched down next to the pair and smiled. “Perhaps he has. I saw the Light around you.” 

Cal’s eyes were bright and wet as he looked over at Eddie. “I felt it. For the first time in years, I _felt_ it. It was warm and comforting and peaceful.” 

“Yes it is,” he agreed. “Are you ready to come home now?” 

Cal smiled and the Light shone from within him. “In a few days. I want to take a walk around the perimeter to check the fence. The cut looks like it’s from a piece of metal. I also have a few last things I need to write down.” 

Eddie didn’t say anything about Cal’s continuous need to Offset and atone, because he understood that need. “You should know that Mary returned last month. I didn’t think you were ready to hear that,” Eddie explained, though Cal didn’t appear distraught or upset at that news. He’d already spoken to Mary and broadly explained the transformation that Cal had undergone the past few months, and she agreed to meet with Cal.

“I wasn’t,” Cal admitted, “But I’d like to make amends to her. Unburden.” 

“That’s good to hear,” he said, relieved. The one lingering fear he’d had was that Cal would be destroyed by losing Mary and Forrest. If Mary was willing to listen to Cal, then they had a chance at reconciliation. “I’ll let her know you’ll be back this week.” 

Eddie started to unpack the food onto the shelves Cal had made and rearrange his bedding on the opposite side of the fire from Cal and the fawn.

Cal’s hesitant voice called out to him. “There’s one last thing I’d like you to do for me, Eddie. Once I come back to the compound.” 

“If it’s in my power to do it, of course,” he assured Cal, settling down on the blankets. 

A flash of a smile coming so easily now from deep within, rather than the forced, insincere smiles Cal used to bestow on everyone. “You’ve done it hundreds of times. Once more shouldn’t be a hardship.” 

~.~

Eddie arranged for Felicia to fly in from France and asked Bill to come in from San Diego. Gabby met up with the other Founders in Eddie’s office, all of them confused by Eddie’s request that their presence was needed at the compound. 

“Thank you for coming on such short notice,” Eddie began, trying to keep the anger he felt out of his tone. He didn’t soften the blow of his revelation as he announced, “Transgressions of the highest order have recently come to light and need to be addressed.” 

“Brought to light by whom?” Felicia was quick to ask, Eddie not missing the quick squeeze Bill gave to her hand. 

Eddie folded his hands on his desk and stared at each of them in turn, his gaze lingering on his ex mother-in-law. He ignored Felicia’s demand and put forth his own. “Were you aware of what was going on at the compound when Lilith and Vera lived here?” 

He saw Felicia and Bill’s subtle reactions in his peripheral vision, but his focus was on Gabby, whom he’d trusted for so long. Her eyes hardened slightly, her expression slipping to a blank canvas. “The Movement was on the upswing. Steve was writing the middle Rungs.” 

Eddie swung his gaze to Bill. “Did you witness what happened in the cave?” His gaze shifted to Felicia. “Did you?” 

“Cave? What is this?” Felicia demanded. 

Bill whispered in her ear, letting his hand rest on her shoulder as he turned back to face Eddie. “You know about the HC.” 

Eddie held his breath as Cal stepped into the room, all eyes turning to him. This was the fragile part of Eddie’s plan to make the Founders admit to their complicity in allowing Steve’s abuse of Cal to continue unchallenged. Having Cal face the only accusers left to him was a risk, but Cal had agreed after he mediated by the lake. 

Cal’s footsteps were quiet as he walked between Felicia and Gabby’s chairs, turning to stand beside Eddie’s desk. He dropped one of his journals onto the desk, waiting for the dull thud to fade before clearing his throat. His voice was tremulous but dynamic, recalling the recent past when Cal stood up before the members and sent out his message. “From the time I was six years old, Steve took me to the cave for his special camping trips. The cave was decorated with flowers that I, Vera and the other children painted.” Cal’s expression didn’t waver but his voice became laced with steel. “That promise of spring and renewal witnessed the depravity that Steve forced onto me, his sickness causing me almost irreparable damage.” 

“He was your father. He Embraced you,” Gabby argued, but Eddie could see that her eyes didn’t quite meet Cal’s. 

Cal’s snort of derision was incongruent with his transformation, but Eddie couldn’t fault him. “Whenever we left for the cave, didn’t you ever wonder why Steve only carried one sleeping bag? When everyone in the Movement slept out under the stars on a clear night, didn’t you ever wonder why Steve insisted I sleep with him in his bag?” 

Cal began to take measured steps around the Founders, forcing them to either turn to face him or keep their faces hidden. Eddie was surprised that Bill and Gabby turned, but Felicia remained staring at the wall behind Eddie’s head, her entire being shut down as if she was trying to block out Cal’s words.

Eddie had goosebumps as Cal calmly told his story, his stomach twisting in knots at the images Cal was revealing. “Why didn’t anyone offer to counsel me after Steve used the excuse of me peeing in the sleeping bag to wash it every time we were both in it? Why didn’t anyone question his insistence on washing it himself? He was the fucking Leader of the Movement and he had everything else done for him, but not washing that _fucking sleeping bag_.” Cal’s harsh breathing echoed in the stillness of the room. “Do you want to know the real reason I ran to the bathroom as soon as I woke up after spending the night in Steve’s _embrace_?” 

“Stop it,” Gabby hissed, her hands clenched into fists. 

“He never did when I begged him to,” Cal responded in that soft, child-like voice. “It didn’t stop until I took my vows. I’d mentally blocked it all—not just the abuse, but my entire childhood and the years beyond. I couldn’t remember actually saying my vows. I couldn’t remember my AL. I couldn’t remember climbing the first four Rungs.” 

Uneasy, uncomfortable silence descended among the five assembled, Eddie waiting for one of the Founders to finally admit to knowing what had happened or at least suspecting it. 

“You said _remembered_ , past tense,” Felicia broke the silence with an accusatory tone. “What’s changed? What miraculous thing happened that brought all these supposed repressed memories to light?”

The corners of Cal’s mouth tipped up a fraction. “A member of the Movement asked me to perform the Hypoxian Cleanse on them. While I was tightening the ropes, I started to get flashes. Literal flashes, of a camera. A polaroid in Steve’s hand. The painted wall behind him. A snake tightening around Steve’s throat and hips, his gasps for—”

“Enough!” Bill interrupted, shouting over Cal’s words. 

Eddie’s heart was hammering in his throat. Bill looked sick. Felicia remained frozen in place, holding herself still as a statue. Gabby had clenched her fist in her other hand and her knuckles were turning white. 

But Cal wasn’t quite done. “I saw Lilith try to cure him with the HC. She saw what he was doing. She acknowledged what he was. Why couldn’t you?” 

To everyone’s surprise, it was Felicia who spoke first. “We sensed something off but didn’t want to look too closely. We wanted to protect our children.” 

Eddie half-rose out of his chair, sensing the anger rising in Cal and wanting to head it off. Instead, Cal used his meditative techniques to calm down and steady his breathing. His voice was that same low, steady cadence as he said, “It was better to let the boy without a family bear all of Steve’s lusts, rather than risk Steve turning to your own flesh and blood?” 

Hearing it said so boldly, so starkly, shook Eddie down to his core, even more so than witnessing Cal’s reliving of it all. The Founders didn’t look any better than Eddie felt, Felicia with her head bowed and hands clasped tightly, Gabby’s hand pressed over her mouth as tears rolled down her cheeks, and Bill gripping the arm of the chair tightly. 

“Yes,” Felicia murmured, then ran from the room before anyone could stop her. 

Cal looked back at Eddie, tears filling his eyes but not falling. Eddie was certain that Cal had shed the last of his tears over the man who had destroyed his childhood. “I’m satisfied. Are you?” 

That wasn’t the word Eddie would use, but he understood what Cal was asking. “We’re not going public with this information,” he told Gabby and Bill. “Only two other people know about this, and they have sworn they will take it to their graves.” He took a deep breath and launched into what he’d been preparing to say since Cal agreed to come back to the compound. “The Movement will quietly, slowly remove Steve from it’s history, focusing on the present and the future. The name ‘Meyerism’ will eventually be replaced with simply ‘The Movement’, and those that wish to remain are free to do so. However, we will cease all further recruitment activities. We will stop receiving donations. The center in the city will continue to be an interfaith space, but without Meyerism at the helm. I’m turning it over to a trust to be operated until the money runs out. And I am stepping down as Leader after performing one last ceremony.” 

He felt Cal’s heavy gaze on him, filled with disbelief and admiration. Gabby was shaking her head and murmuring, “no,” but Bill met his gaze squarely and said, “I agree. We have allowed the shadows to survive for too long. We need to step fully into the Light and let our darkness be purged.” 

~.~

Eddie felt the moment as a bittersweet note on the back of his tongue, excitement and sorrow driving him forward to perform this one last ceremony for Cal as his last act as Leader. 

The gathering was supposed to be small, the spectacle of Cal returning to the compound having faded over the last few days. However, news of Felicia and Bill’s visit had spread like wildfire and while Eddie wanted nothing more for them to leave, he had asked them to stay for Cal’s vow renewal. 

Now most of the compound surrounded Eddie, Cal and Mary, standing at Cal’s side. Eddie didn’t know the specifics of what they had discussed, but the fact that Mary was there and allowing Cal to hold Forrest spoke of a couple who had Unburdened and forgiven each other. 

Bill and Felicia were lost somewhere in the crowd, honoring his request that they not be visible to either him or Cal during the ceremony. He didn’t think either of them wanted to lay eyes on Cal ever again, and Eddie was sure the feeling was mutual. 

Cal had chosen the spot for his vows—the same spot where he’d taken them when he was sixteen years old. Cal remembered the ceremony now, remembered the words he had spoken, but the meaning behind them was lost to that teenager. 

Eddie had witnessed Cal’s reconstruction, his transformation and his Offsets. Before him stood a man ready to show the world his new self. 

Cal passed Forrest to Mary, kissing the top of his head before fully releasing him. It was with his head held high and a faint smile on his lips that Cal stepped into the circle, bowing his head and clasping his hands in front of him.

Eddie projected his voice as best he could, but he knew not everyone would be able to hear him. He didn’t really care as this wasn’t for them; just the family in front of him. “Thank you for joining us today for this special occasion. We are here to witness Calvin Michael Roberts’ renewal of his vows to the Light.” 

Cal had given him an outline of what to say to explain his need to renew his vows, but Eddie chose to interpret Cal’s ideas into his own words. “For those who knew Cal prior to the last few months, he has undergone a transformation, a true enlightenment that has renewed and strengthened his faith. I would personally like to take this time to honor his dedication to this difficult process, the culmination of his hard work the vows he has chosen to renew today.”

Eddie glanced down and saw Cal’s hands were clasped too tightly, the tendons straining as he tried to hold himself together. He leaned in and murmured, “Breathe,” waiting until Cal released the breath he’d been holding before continuing.

“Cal has asked to use his own words to renew his vows.” Eddie placed his hand on Cal’s shoulder, giving a light squeeze to remind him that was his cue to start speaking. 

A fleeting smile, hesitant but radiant, crossed Cal’s lips. “I, Calvin Michael Roberts, choose the Light and the Light has chosen me. I was lost in the darkness, scared and alone, but the Light guided me out of that darkness. I stand in the Light now because the Light is merciful, the Light is pure, the Light is peace. The Light fills me. The Light guides me. The Light makes a place for me in The Garden. Let my body be a vessel for the Light.” 

Cal hadn’t told Eddie what he was going to say, but it wasn’t much different than the regular vows, but it had such a deeper meaning, he understood why Cal had wanted to change them. Stepping forward, Eddie placed his hands on Cal’s bowed head and declared, “Calvin Michael Roberts is a vessel for the Light.” 

Cheers erupted around them and Cal lifted his head, beaming with joy. Mary threw her arm around him and they kissed, Forrest awkwardly protected from being crushed between their bodies. 

Seeing Cal’s family unit whole again, Eddie saw another vision overlaying Cal, Mary and Forrest: himself Embracing Forrest as punishment for Cal’s transgressions. 

A hum began under his skin, the Light showing him one last thing he had to do before he would be allowed to step down as Leader. He waited until Cal turned to shake his hand, then said, “I need to do one last thing for you, Cal. Mary, can you give Forrest to Cal? I promise this won’t take a minute.” 

Confused, Mary passed their son to Cal, but Cal was calm as he faced Eddie, cradling Forrest’s head as he lightly bounced him. The crowd around them quieted until Eddie could hear the rasp of cloth as he removed his vestment. 

“Over a year ago, I Embraced your son out of pettiness and spite. Today, I return your son to you.” He draped his vestment over Cal’s and Forrest’s shoulders, quickly grasping one of Cal’s shoulders as he looked ready to collapse. Eddie could feel the fine tremor and overwhelming gratitude pouring into him and offered a silent apology for his actions. His other hand he placed on the baby’s head. “Forrest Roberts, you have a father, Cal Roberts, who will never fail you and whom you could never fail.” 

Eddie could feel the ripples of shock through the crowd from those who had witnessed the Embracement ceremony before, but to his knowledge, never had it been reversed. The Light glowed within him, so Eddie knew he had done the right thing. 

He turned away from Cal and Mary, who were huddled around Forrest and oblivious to the world outside their little bubble. “I have one more thing to announce,” Eddie addressed the crowd. He made sure to project as loud as possible, because this was the important part for him. “This will come as a shock to you, and it will be frightening, but trust in the Light, let it guide you, and you’ll be okay.” The excitement and sorrow he’d felt earlier returned in one huge wave, but then faded to nothing. He smiled warmly. “I’m stepping down as your Leader. The Movement has continued without me for almost six months and it will continue for the next five, ten, twenty years, without me. I appreciate everything you have done to help me on my journey, but the Light is asking me to take a different path now.” 

The reaction to his announcement was much stronger, waves of worry, fear and anger buffeting through the crowd. “I’m not leaving the Movement. I’ve put leadership in place who I trust and whom the Light has chosen, so you will not be alone. Thank you.” 

Cal was the closest one to him, and he grabbed Eddie in a hug, startling him badly. “Thank you,” he murmured, then slipped into the crowd with Mary and Forrest, leaving Eddie to try to sooth and assure his followers that the Movement would survive without him.

The End


End file.
